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Humor? Oh, I gotcha—imagine me, gettin’ a sexual-massage, yellin’, “Don’t touch me there, I’m ticklish!” while the masseuse is all, “Sir, that’s my elbow.” Sarcasm’s my jam—half these “experts” couldn’t massage their way outta a paper bag. Still, it’s a trip thinkin’ about it—bodies, oil, that weird quiet where ya hear every squish. Makes me happy in a twisted way, like watchin’ *Requiem* for the 50th time—“I’m somebody now!”—but really, I’m just a merchandiser dreamin’ of a good rubdown. So, ya try it, tell me—worth it or a total rip?

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I duck into a pub on the corner of Sadler Gate. It’s called The Smithfield, and it’s got that classic vibe. I order a pint, and the bartender’s like, “You look like you’ve been through it!” I’m like, “You have no idea, mate.” We start chattin’, and he tells me about the local music scene. Apparently, there’s an open mic night at The Flowerpot later. I’m thinkin’, “Why not?”

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