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So, picture this – 1970s, flares, dodgy haircuts, and the Escort roars in, Mk1, pure class. Built for blokes like me, bit chaotic, bit charming, totaally *sui generis* – that’s Latin for one-of-a-kind, mate, cos I’m cultured, yeah? Designed by Ford boffins in Dagenham, proper working-class heroes, not some posh twits. Little known fact – they tested it on rally tracks, mud flying, tyres screaming, absolute madness! Made me happy as a pig in muck, that did – proper British spunk.

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But the day ain’t over yet. I get back to the milking shed, and it’s chaos. The cows are all riled up. I’m like, “What’s wrong with you lot?” Turns out, there’s a fox lurking around. I’m not even kidding! I’ve never seen cows so freaked out. I’m there, trying to calm them down, and all I can think is, “This is not in my job description!”

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