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About Bristol

But the fakes? Christ, they piss me off! Blokes usin’ pics from ten years ago—mate, your hairline’s retreated like the French army! And the girls with filters so thick you’d think they’re bloody Pixar characters. Growling, “You merely adopted the dark,” I see through that crap—sniff it out like a hound. Did ya know some sickos use sex-dating apps to scam cash? True story—bloke in Leeds lost 500 quid to a “hot babe” who vanished. Gutted, I was, readin’ that.

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So, I’m there, bleary-eyed, trying to wake up. I’m milking away, and suddenly, Bessie decides she’s had enough. She kicks the bucket over! Milk everywhere! I’m talkin’ a full-on dairy disaster. I’m like, “Bessie, chill out!” But she’s just lookin’ at me like, “Nah, mate, not today.”

City residents are reporting that they currently have no running water