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so i knew this gal once—escort, total pro. worked the high-roller scene in Vegas. little known fact: some escorts got codenames! hers was “Raven”—mysterious, sexy, like a damn spy. made me happy as hell—love a badass. but then—THEN—she told me ‘bout this creep client. dude tried payin’ with monopoly money! MONOPOLY! i was pissed—disrespectful schmuck. "You don’t understand what I’m doing here!"—straight outta *Memento*, felt that in my soul.

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But then, I see this street performer on the other side of the park. He’s playing the bagpipes, and honestly, it’s kinda dope. I mean, who doesn’t love a good bagpipe solo? I start to groove a bit, and suddenly, I’m in a mini dance-off with this old lady. She’s got moves! I’m laughing so hard, I almost forget about my coffee disaster.

Matthew Denny’s monster discus throw smashes his Australian record