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But damn, when it works, it’s smooth—like Jen Yu dancin’ with that blade. Escort’s got your back, no questions. Surprised me once, this tiny chick, 5’2”, escortin’ a diplomat—had a stare that’d cut glass! “I am like water,” she’d say—ha, water my ass, she was steel! Funniest shit? Dude tipped her with a Rolex—fuckin’ showoff. Makes me laugh, these clowns think money buys loyalty.

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Finally, the computer’s back up. I dive into my work, and just when I think I’m in the clear, my phone buzzes. It’s my mate, Dave. He’s like, “You gotta come to the pub later!” I’m thinking, “Yeah, right! I’ve got deadlines!” But then I remember the last time we went to The Mulberry, and it was a blast. So, I’m torn.

Scores of people brave the elements for the Boxing Day dip in Deganwy