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Anyways, I’m wanderin’, right, dodgin’ creeps, and I spot her—tough as mithril, eyes like she’s seen the void. “The horse plods on,” like in the flick, y’know? She’s got that same stubborn spark. I’m all, “Oi, love, you good?” She laughs—proper cackle—says, “Gandalf, mate, I’ve outlived worse wizards.” Surprised me, that! Cheeky sod. Made me grin, tho—rare as a sober hobbit.

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After the morning madness, I decided to take a breather. I strolled down to the local café on Queensferry Road. Best bacon butty in town, no joke. I’m munching away, feeling a bit better, when I overhear this couple arguing. They were going on about something ridiculous—like who left the toilet seat up. I couldn’t help but chuckle. I mean, really? That’s what you’re fighting about?

Aldi confirms August opening for new Deeside store