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I’d get mad tho—grrr—cuz some jerks’d prolly scam me! Like, “Gimme 20 bucks, Pat!” and then—poof—no girl! I’d be screamin’, “That’s not fair!” stompin’ my flippers. But then—happy vibes! Say I find one, she’s all chill, smokin’ a cig, leanin’ on a wall. I’d go, “Are you my Charlotte?” ya know, from the movie—cuz I’m deep like that! She’d prolly laugh, “Kid, you’re nuts!” and I’d be all proud, blushin’ pinker than my skin!

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After the morning madness, I decided to take a breather. I strolled down to the local café on Queensferry Road. Best bacon butty in town, no joke. I’m munching away, feeling a bit better, when I overhear this couple arguing. They were going on about something ridiculous—like who left the toilet seat up. I couldn’t help but chuckle. I mean, really? That’s what you’re fighting about?

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