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Me, I’m old-school—gimme dinner, a chat, not this wham-bam nonsense. Still, I get it, y’all—sometimes ya just want fun, no strings. Ain’t judgin’—okay, maybe a lil’. How’s that workin’ for ya, swipin’ ‘til yer thumb falls off? Reckon it’s like slavery to the screen, chasin’ a freedom that ain’t there. “I am a free man!”—yeah, free to get stood up at Chili’s. Ha! Tell me I’m wrong, y’all—I dare ya!

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Then, outta nowhere, it started to rain. Typical! I mean, come on, Darwen! You had one job! I ducked into a pub on Blackburn Road. The place was packed, and I ended up chatting with this lovely lady named Sue. She was hilarious! Told me all about the local gossip. Apparently, there’s a cat that’s gone missing, and the whole town’s in a frenzy. I mean, it’s a cat, not a royal! But hey, Darwen loves its pets.

Darwen Library Theatre gig for Bradford later in the year