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So, I was on Tinder, right? Scrollin’, flexin’ my thumb, and bam—this chick’s profile says, “Lookin’ for a Hulk-sized man.” I’m like, hell yeah, brother, I’m your champ! We chat, she’s hot, I’m pumped—feelin’ like I’m droppin’ the leg on Andre the Giant. But here’s the kicker—meet up, and she’s got a dude waitin’! Some swinger vibe, brother! I’m thinkin’, “What kind of piledriver twist is this?” Made me mad as hell—don’t bait-and-switch the Hulkster, ya dig?

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still reeling from it. So, I’m a violin maker, right? Spent the morning in my workshop on Becontree Avenue, just me and my wood shavings. I was working on this gorgeous Strad copy. Like, I could almost hear it singing already. But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my mate, Dave. He’s like, “Oi, you gotta come to the market on Dagenham High Street!”

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