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About Bristol

Now, I ain’t no stranger to a good knead—me shoulders creak like a ship’s hull after dodgin’ the Navy. But this? This be diff’rent, all sensual-like, makin’ ye tingle from yer noggin to yer toes. Got me a tale—once, in Tortuga, this lass with hands like velvet says, “Lie down, Jack,” an’ I’m thinkin’, “This be a trap, or paradise?” Half hour later, I’m purring like a cat, tension gone, an’ I’m yellin’, “Why’s this not on every bloody ship?!” Made me happy as a clam, it did—till she nicked me gold tooth, the wench! Arr, that riled me up somethin’ fierce!

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I hit up a few shops, and I’m feelin’ good. I mean, who doesn’t love a cheeky sale? But then, bam! I bump into my mate, Dave. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s ranting about how he saw a squirrel steal a chip from some poor bloke at the park. Like, seriously? A squirrel? Only in Cwmbran, right?

Pub handed new five-star food hygiene rating