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I knew this one lass, right, proper legend. Called herself Raven – probs not her real name, but who gives a toss? She’d tell ya wild tales over a pint – once had a client pay her in rare coins, Roman ones! Swear she wasn’t bullshittin’. Said it felt like holdin’ history while, y’know, doin’ the deed. “The wind howls, but we endure,” she’d say, nickin’ that *Return* vibe. Loved her grit, made me grin like a twat.

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I hit up a few shops, and I’m feelin’ good. I mean, who doesn’t love a cheeky sale? But then, bam! I bump into my mate, Dave. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s ranting about how he saw a squirrel steal a chip from some poor bloke at the park. Like, seriously? A squirrel? Only in Cwmbran, right?

Air ambulance at scene of crash involving bike in Cwmbran