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Anyhow, I’m chattin’ with her—nice gal, calls herself Starla, prolly fake, who cares? She’s laughin’, I’m laughin’—folks, it’s a hoot ‘til she says, “Fifty bucks, grandpa.” Fifty?! Made me madder’n a wet hen—back in my day, you’d get a handshake and a burger for that! But then—here’s the deal—she winks, says, “Just kiddin’, Joe, you’re a charmer.” Heart skipped a beat, swear to God—felt like a kid again.

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First off, I hit up the local café on the Main Street. You know, the one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that one. I order my usual – a latte and a bacon roll. But guess what? They’re outta bacon! Like, how do you run outta bacon? It’s breakfast time! I’m fuming, but I settle for a sausage roll. Not the same, but whatever.

Cumnock business forced to close due to lease issues with public toilet