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Alright, listen up folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—talkin’ to ya like you’re my buddy ‘bout findin’ a prostitute. Yeah, I said it! Look, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout my fave flick, *Brooklyn*, ya know, that 2015 gem by John Crowley—Eilis, she’s leavin’ Ireland, chasin’ a new life, right? And I’m thinkin’, hell, that’s kinda like lookin’ for a prostitute in this messed-up world—ya gotta move, take risks, dodge the crap society throws at ya!

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, biblical rain. I’m sprinting for cover, laughing at how ridiculous this day has been. I duck into a shop on the High Street, and the owner’s like, “You alright, mate?” I’m soaked, hair’s a mess, and I just laugh. “Yeah, just living the dream in Cramlington!”

Cramlington pub debuts new play area: “We hope our young visitors will enjoy the new look and feel"