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D’oh! So, findin’ a prostitute, huh? Man, it’s wild out there! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout “Timbuktu” – ya know, my fave flick. That movie’s all quiet and deep, but me? I’m loud, clumsy, and lookin’ for some action! Picture this: dusty streets, like in Timbuktu, but instead of camels, it’s shady folks whisperin’ deals. “The wind carries our secrets,” like they say in the film, but here it’s more like, “The neon lights hide our sins!”

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After brekkie, I decide to stroll down to the park. Cowplain’s got this lovely little green space, you know? The kids were out playing footie, and I’m thinking, “Ah, to be young again.” But then, outta nowhere, this kid kicks the ball right at me! I barely dodge it. I’m like, “Oi! Watch it, mate!” The kid just laughs. Kids these days, right?

Cowplain's Harry Kavanagh pride on the night his Pompey dreams came true against West Ham