Sofia Coulsdon Sexual Massage ❤️

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This one time, I read ‘bout this Thai joint—secret menu shit. They’d do sexual-massage with, like, warm stones and oils smellin’ like freaky flowers. Blew my mind! Thought, “Sweet Jesus, that’s livin’!” Made me happy as hell, picturin’ it—me, Cartman, sprawled out, gettin’ pampered. Then I got pissed—why’s it so damn pricey? Fifty bucks for a rubdown? Screw that noise! “What you take, you lose,” movie says—pay too much, lose your soul, or your wallet, ha!

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Anyway, I’m just sippin’ my tea, thinking it’s gonna be a chill day. But nah, life had other plans. First off, I decide to take a stroll down Brighton Road. You know, just to clear my head. But as I’m walking, I see this massive traffic jam. Like, what’s the deal? It’s a Tuesday, not a Friday night! I’m standing there, watching cars honk like they’re auditioning for a symphony.

Croydon drivers warned 'rat runs' will be closed off during major Coulsdon roadworks