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Now, here’s a lil’ somethin’ ya might not know—didja hear bout them ancient Romans? They was wild bout sexual-massage! Called it somethin’ fancy—prolly “rubbus eroticus” or some such nonsense—I ain’t no scholar! They’d slather on oils smellin’ like roses and—lordy—get to work! Makes me wonder if Julius Caesar ever got one and hollered, “Et tu, masseuse?” Ha! I crack myself up sometimes.

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But then, I spot this cute little café called “The Cottenham Café.” I’m like, “Why not?” I pop in for a cuppa. The barista’s a young lad, and he’s got this wild hair. I order a latte, and he’s like, “You want it hot or cold?” I’m like, “Mate, it’s England. Hot, obviously!”

Cambs secondary school transforms 'requires improvement' Ofsted rating into 'good'