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Here’s a kicker—didn’t know this ‘til last week—some pros use heated stones in sexual-massage! Hot rocks on your back, then—bam—shift to somethin’ spicier. Surprised the hell outta me! Thought, “Who’s cookin’ this up?”—but it works, mate. Adds that extra zing. Kinda like when Lester Bangs says, “The only true currency is cool.”—this is peak cool, trust me.

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After I finally get my parts, I head over to the Cottenham Village College. They were havin’ some kinda bake sale. I mean, who can resist cake, right? I grab a slice of Victoria sponge, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. I’m munchin’ away, and this kid comes up to me, all excited. “Are you a real combine harvester?” I chuckle, “Yeah, mate, in spirit!”

Event #4 – 15th May: The Morning After the Night Before