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I luv it though, when it works—met this chick, hotter’n a two-dollar pistol, we clicked like Dubya and barbecue. She’s all, “let’s Netflix and chill,” and I’m thinkin’, “This’s better’n findin’ that suitcase o’ cash!” But then—bam!—ghosted me next day. Surprised me worse’n a flip-flop in a snowstorm. “There’s no clean way outta this,” I muttered, channelin’ Tommy Lee Jones. Reckon I ain’t cut out fer this game sometimes.

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But then, bam! Outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I’m talking torrential downpour. I dash inside, coffee spilling everywhere. The barista’s laughing at me. “Nice weather, huh?” she says. I just roll my eyes.

Trent Barton: Improved West Bridgford and Rushcliffe bus routes start next week