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Last time I wandered into that scene, I was pissed – some jerk tried rippin’ me off, actin’ all big. I’m like, “Buddy, I ain’t here for your fairy tale bullshit!” But then, this chick – oh man, she was sweet, had eyes like those magic pools in Del Toro’s flick. Made me happy as a clam, just chattin’ with her. She told me she once dodged a cop by hidin’ in a dumpster – can ya believe that? Gutsy move! I was shocked, jaw droppin’, thinkin’, “This girl’s a damn hero.”

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I finally get home, and I’m knackered. I plop down on the couch, cactus beside me. I think about the farmer and his potatoes. Life’s weird, man. One minute you’re dealing with green spuds, the next you’re reminiscing about school days.

£4m to be spent on improvement works at Cotgrave and Keyworth leisure centres