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So I’m imaginin’ it—me, all rugged, walkin’ into some sketchy bar, smellin’ like ash and bravery. I’m like, “Hey, anyone know where to find a prostitute?” Total *Zodiac* vibes—“I’m not Paul Avery, I’m better!” Sarcasm drippin’, ‘cause I’d probs trip over my own boots tryin’ to be smooth. Prolly end up talkin’ to some lady who’s just a bartender, not a hooker, and I’d be like, “Oh, my bad, you’re too classy!” That’s what she said! God, I’m hilarious.

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Fast forward to my lecture at the uni. I’m talking about dialects in the UK, and I’m pumped. I mean, Cosham’s got its own vibe, right? The way people say “biscuit” here is just different. But halfway through, my laptop crashes. Like, are you kidding me? I’m standing there, staring at a blank screen, and the students are looking at me like I’ve lost my marbles. I’m sweating bullets, trying to remember my notes.

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