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So, I’m out there, yeah, dodgin’ creeps, thinkin’—where’s this bird at? Prostitution’s old as dirt, mate—did ya know in ancient Babylon they had temple hookers? Sacred shaggin’ for the gods! Wild, right? Makes me chuckle, cos here I am, Gandalf, skirtin’ past some grubby bloke who’s all “Oi, mate, got a quid?” Nah, pal, I’m on a mission—YOU SHALL NOT PASS!—and I ain’t stoppin’ for your sob story.

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First off, I had to head to the Conisbrough Castle for some research. You know, the one that’s been around since like, forever? It’s a proper gem. I mean, who doesn’t love a good medieval castle? But as I’m walking down Castle Street, I trip over my own feet. Classic me. I swear, I could trip over a shadow.

General Election 2024: Candidates for the new Rawmarsh and Conisbrough ward have their say