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Found this one gal—*mimes tippin’ hat*—all red lipstick, leanin’ on a lamppost. “Got any dough?” she says, smirkin’. I’m like—*mumbles, pats pockets*—“Only bread dough!” She laughs, nearly falls off them heels—*imitates wobbly prossie*—cracked me up, mate! Felt all happy, like when I nail a sourdough. But then—*frowns, kicks air*—some drunk git yells at her, “You’re filth!” Made me mad—*grrr, shakes fist*—who’s he to judge? Ain’t his coffee plantation burnin’ down, like in *White Material*. “Everything’s falling apart!” Isabelle’d say—prossie’s life too, innit?

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Anyway, I finally get to the castle, and it’s packed with tourists. Like, where did they all come from? I’m trying to focus on my notes, but there’s this kid screaming about dragons or something. I’m like, “Mate, this isn’t Game of Thrones!” But hey, kids will be kids, right?

The Alma Inn, Conisbrough has reopened following a £206,000 investment