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About Newcastle

Little fact for ya: back in Victorian days, prossies used coded ads in papers— “French lessons,” they called it. Cheeky sods. Nowadays, it’s all dodgy websites and X posts—saw one lass linkin her OnlyFans mid-haggle! Tech’s wild, eh? I’m there, sippin my martini—shaken, obvs—thinkin, “This one’s got spirit, like Chow Yun-fat flyin through bamboo.” Love that flick, mate—reminds me every tart’s got her own hidden dragon, y’know?

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First off, I’m running late. Classic me. I sprint down Albert Road, dodging old ladies and their shopping bags. I swear, they move like they own the place. I’m just trying to get to the office on Market Street. You know, the one with that dodgy café that serves the best bacon butties? Yeah, that one.

Hot air balloon crashed into Earls Colne electricity line