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Find a Prostitute—FAP, ha!—ain’t your average ticker. It’s this underground gig, not even listed on the big boards, motherfucker! Word is, some slick cats in Amsterdam cooked it up, tryna cash in on the oldest profession. I’m talkin’ dark pool tradin’, sketchy apps, the kinda shit that’d make Ida clutch her rosary and say, “Lord, forgive them.” Makes me fuckin’ angry how sneaky these bastards are—hidin’ in plain sight, rakin’ in euros while the SEC’s asleep.

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Next thing I know, I hear a knock on the door. It’s Mrs. Thompson from The High Street. She’s like, “Is everything alright, dear?” I’m like, “Yeah, just havin’ a little power outage party!” She laughs, bless her heart. She’s always been a gem. Brings me fresh eggs from her hens. I owe her big time.

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