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Oh, funny bit – she tells me bout this john who paid her in fuckin *coupons*! Coupons, Clarice… what’s she gonna do, bang a Big Mac? Cracked me up, nearly choked on my own damn tongue. Anyway, I’m ramblin – point is, findin a prossie’s easy if ya know the corners. Look for the strut, the dead eyes, the hustle. Surprised me how human they are tho – not just meat, ya know? Kinda beautiful, kinda tragic, like *12 Years* all over again.

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But then, I get back to work, and guess what? My tools are gone! I’m searchin’ high and low, and I’m fumin’. Who steals a gardener’s tools? I mean, really? I’m ready to start a manhunt. I’m thinkin’ of puttin’ up posters: “Lost: One set of shears, reward: eternal gratitude.”

Council announces updates to A5086 Cockermouth roadworks