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So, sex escorts – mate, they’re everywhere! Cities crawlin’ with ‘em, sneaky shadows. Heard this one tale – true, swear it! – ‘bout a lass in Amsterdam, right? Worked the red lights, made bank, but get this – she was a bleedin’ med student! Daytime, cuttin’ corpses; nighttime, cuttin’ deals. Mad, innit? Multitaskin’ queen! Made me laugh, then angry – why’s she gotta do that? World’s messed up, precious, messed up bad.

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I’m standing there, cursing like a sailor, when I hear this commotion. Turns out, there’s a seagull fight happening right outside the Co-op. Like, seriously? Seagulls squawking and flapping everywhere. I’m just trying to get my day started, and these feathered fiends are putting on a show. I mean, who knew Cockenzie had its own version of the Hunger Games?

Council to spend £100,000 on new masterplan for former Cockenzie Power Station site