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Alright, mate, lemme spill the tea—sexual-massage, huh? *Pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars.”* It’s wild, innit? Like, ya got hands roamin’, oil drippin’, vibes gettin’ all steamy. I’m sittin’ here thinkin’—it’s like Monty from *25th Hour* tryna find peace before shit hits, ya know? “This life came so close to never happenin’.” That’s the mood—intimate, raw, teeterin’ on somethin’ big.

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Then, I get a call from my mate, Dave. He’s like, “You won’t believe this! The old cinema on Main St is bein’ turned into a pub!” I’m like, “No way! That place was a dump!” But then I think, “A pub? In Coatbridge? That could be fun!”

Fleeing knifeman who ran into Coatbridge health centre before throwing blade away is jailed