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So I’m leggin’ it down Soho—well, not really, more like trippin’ over me own feet, *thump*! Faceplant, classic Bean move. This bird, right, she’s leanin’ on a lamppost, skirt shorter than me attention span. I go, “Errr, hullo!” all twitchy, an’ she’s like, “Wot you after, love?” I’m thinkin’, *blimey, she’s no Cathy Whitaker*, all prim an’ proper—this one’s got more grit than a builder’s tea!

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I get to the café, and it’s packed! I mean, come on, people! It’s a Tuesday! But I’m not waitin’. I’m too hungry. So I squeeze in, order my roll, and the guy behind the counter spills coffee all over me. I’m like, “Mate, I’m not a mop!” But he’s laughin’ it off. I’m fumin’ but also kinda chucklin’ ‘cause it’s just so ridiculous.

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