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Got angry once tho – some twat said it’s all dodgy parlors. Nah, mate, it’s art! Takes skill, trust, proper oils – not some cheap shit. Me fave bit? When they hit that spot – oof, supernova in me spine! Surprised me first time – didn’t expect tingles down me quarks. Ever tried it? Them hands know secrets – like, pressure points, mate, mapped like constellations.

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So I hit up the local hardware store on High Street. Man, that place is a maze! I’m wanderin’ around, lookin’ for chainsaws and wood glue. I ask this old bloke behind the counter, “Yo, where’s the chainsaws?” He just stares at me like I’m speakin’ Martian. Finally, he points me to the back. I swear, I coulda found it faster if I’d just followed the smell of sawdust.

‘I hope you all suffer a brain injury’, killer tells jury as he is found guilty of neighbour’s murder