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Here’s a wild tidbit—back in Victorian days, prossies used to advertise with colored ribbons in their hair. Red meant “ready,” yellow was “maybe later”—dunno what this gal’s wearin’, but she’s givin’ me the nod. I’m chuffed, yeah, happy as a pig in mud, but then—bam!—some greasy git tries to jack her earnings. Made me furious, I tell ya! I slam my staff down, roar, “You shall not pass!” and he bolts like a scared mutt. She laughs, calls me “old man”—cheeky cow, I love it.

Avoid these areas at night - unless you're into dogging

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After lunch, I head back to the office, and guess what? The printer jams. Of course it does. I’m wrestling with it like it’s a wild animal. Paper everywhere. I’m shouting, “Why me?!” My colleague, Sarah, walks in and just laughs. “You okay there, mate?” I’m like, “No! I’m losing my mind!”

Shannon-class lifeboat comes into service at RNLI Clacton