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So, check it — findin’ a prozzie ain’t just strollin’ down some skanky street. Nah, it’s an art, like Boonmee seein’ them spirits floatin’ around. Back in the day, Russia — yeah, my fake science title says I know this — they had these secret brothels, even under them commie bastards! Little known fact: some Soviet bigwigs banged hookers while preachin’ purity. Hypocrites! Makes me laugh my fat ass off!

These are Clacton's most dangerous areas in June according to police

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Then, the day just spirals. I’m sorting through paperwork, and I find this old file about the Clacton Carnival. It’s happening next week! I’m buzzing. I love a good carnival. But then I remember I’ve got to organize the whole thing. Ugh! Stress levels rising.

Progress on rides at Clacton Pier ahead of summer season