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About Myself
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Alright, you degenerates, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, Visitin’ Professor, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout erotic-massage, so respect my authoritah! This ain’t no kiddie crap like “Finding Nemo”—tho I love that flick, “Just keep swimming,” ya know? Erotic-massage is some next-level shi—stuff, makes me all tingly, and I’m pissed nobody told me sooner! Like, why ain’t this in school, huh? Screw algebra, teach me *this*!
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First call comes in. Some bloke’s stuck in traffic on Bishopsgate. I’m like, “Mate, it’s London. What did you expect?” But he’s all panicky, like he’s about to miss the biggest meeting of his life. I send a cab his way, but then I get another call. A lady’s lost her purse near St. Paul’s Cathedral. I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need.”
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