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Anyway, we meet up, me and this girl, and I’m nervous as hell—like, “Am I gonna screw this up?” I’m overthinkin’ it, naturally, ‘cause that’s my thing. She’s gorgeous, smells like lilacs or some crap, and I’m sittin’ there goin’, “Larry, don’t be the pale man, don’t freak her out!” We’re drinkin’ wine, talkin’ dirty, and it’s goin’ great—till she says, “I’m into roleplay.” ROLEPLAY? I’m like, “What, like *Pan’s Labyrinth*? You want me to be the faun?!” She laughs, thank God, and I’m saved. Turns out she meant somethin’ kinkier, which—whoa—surprised the hell outta me. Happy? Oh, I was thrilled, like a kid with a golden ticket!

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I finally make it to The Crown and Cushion. Sam’s there, and he’s like, “You missed the craziest stuff!” Apparently, there was a pub quiz, and they had a round on Chipping Norton history. I’m like, “Dude, I live here! I should’ve been there!” But whatever, I grab a pint and join in. We’re laughing, and I’m feeling all the good vibes.

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