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Anyway, I’m imaginin’ this scene—me, awkward as hell, tryin’ to negotiate. “How much? Wait, no, don’t answer!” I’d panic, thinkin’ about my ex-wife, my accountant, God—what a mess! In *Werckmeister*, they say, “All is lost!”—yep, that’s me, losin’ it over a $20 deal! I’d probly tip too much outta guilt, then rant, “Why’s this so stressful?!” Happy? Nope. Surprised? Hell yeah—how do people DO this?!

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After what feels like an eternity, we get her all dolled up. She looks amazing! I’m feeling proud, like I just won an Oscar or something. But then, she steps on her train and—bam!—faceplant! I’m dying inside. I mean, how do you recover from that? But she laughs it off, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe this day isn’t a total disaster.”

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