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Awright, you bastards, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, system analyst extraordinare, and I’m gonna tell ya about findin’ a prostitute, coz I’m pissed, and I got thoughts, RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH! So, picture this – me, sittin’ there watchin’ Inglourious Basterds, my fave flick, ya know, where Hans Landa’s all “I love rumors!” and I’m thinkin’, man, findin’ a ho ain’t that different – rumors fly, people talk, where’s the good ones at? I’m ragin’, coz it’s 2025, and I ain’t got time for bullshit!

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Then, I decide to check out the Chippenham Museum. I’m all about that local history, right? But as I’m wandering around, I trip over my own feet. Classic me. I knock over this display about the town’s railway history. I’m mortified! The curator gives me this look like I just set fire to the place. I’m like, “Sorry, mate! Just trying to connect with the past!”

Chippenham organisations still closed 100 days after flooding