Skylar Chingford Sexual Massage ❤️❤️

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Thing is, it’s ancient, innit? Romans had it – *massage cum delectatio*, massage wiv a cheeky thrill. Little known fact: Cleopatra, that minx, had blokes oilin’ her up wiv rose petals – imagine the pong! Me, I’d rather not smell like a florist’s bin. Gets me goat, though – these posh twits chargin’ 50 quid for a “happy endin’” – daylight robbery! I’d chop their prices down like a rack o’ ribs, I would.

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While we’re outside, I spot this cute dog. It’s a little Staffy, and I’m like, “Aww, look at that!” But then it starts barking at me. I’m like, “Chill, mate! I’m not here to steal your human!” The owner, this lovely lady from Highams Park, comes over and we start chatting. She’s telling me about the best walks around Chingford. Apparently, there’s this hidden gem of a path near Epping Forest. I’m like, “I need to check that out!”

South Chingford's unreliable clock