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I’m analysin this mess, and I’m fumin—fumin!—cos the numbers don’t add up. One ledger says 50k, next says 5k—where’s the dosh goin? Prolly some geezer in a suit, sippin gin, laughin at us mugs. But then—boom!—I spot it: hidden fees, skimmed profits, all funneled through “consultin” firms. Sneaky bastards! Made me happy as a pig in muck, crackin that puzzle—felt like Churchill stormin the Commons, “We shall never yield!”

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After that, I stroll over to the Market Cross. It’s this cool old building, right in the middle of town. I love it there. But today? Ugh. There’s this street performer, playing the accordion. And let me tell ya, he was terrible! I mean, I’ve heard pigs squeal better tunes. But the crowd? They’re loving it! I’m standing there, rolling my eyes, thinking, “What’s wrong with these people?”

'Tip of the iceberg' - Police publish ‘appalling’ messages Chichester rapist sent to one of his victims