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About Bristol

Man, I’m tellin’ ya, it’s a circus! Dudes out here lyin’ ‘bout height—bro, you 5’6”, chill! Chicks postin’ pics from 2015, like, nah, fam, time’s moved on! I saw this one chick, profile said “adventurous,” linked up, she just wanted Netflix—no chill, just *Melancholia* vibes, “everything’s doomed,” sittin’ there quiet. Pissed me off, yo! Wasted my time, coulda been droppin’ beats instead!

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Next up, I had a guy named Dave. He was chill, but he had this weird obsession with the spire. “Look at it! It’s so crooked!” he kept saying. I’m like, “Yeah, mate, it’s a landmark. Focus on the road!” But he was too busy snapping pics. I mean, c’mon! We’re driving, not on a sightseeing tour!

Spireites reach the play-offs!