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What suprised me? How chill she was—like, she’s seen it all, probs met worse than me. I’m thinkin, “Christ, I’m 007, but she’s the real boss here.” Bit of a turn-on, not gonna lie—exaggeratin for effect, she’s basically M with better legs. I ask her name—somethin fake, probs Candy—laughin, I go, “That’s a gorgeous neck, darlin,” stealin Hans Landa’s creepy charm. She smirks—game on.

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But then, I got curious. I mean, I’m a critic, right? I gotta experience stuff. So, I jumped in line. And let me tell ya, the wait was brutal. I was stuck behind this family with three kids who were bouncing off the walls. One of them kept yelling, “I wanna go on the dragon ride!” I was like, “Mate, chill. You’ll get your turn.”

Chessington to celebrate 35 years of iconic roller coaster with giveaways and events