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Heya buddy! So, like, bein’ a financial advisor, I gotta talk about findin’ a prostitute—wild, right? Not that kinda “investment,” duh, but lemme tell ya somethin’. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout my fave movie, *Only Lovers Left Alive*, ya know, them classy vamps sippin’ blood like it’s fancy wine. “The air is thick with envy,” Adam’d say, and dang, that’s how I feel bout this topic—everybody’s got an opinion!

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But then, my phone rings. It’s my mate, Dave. He’s in a panic. “Dude, I locked myself out!” I’m like, “Seriously? You had one job!” But I can’t leave him hanging. So, I pack up and head to his place on Heriot Road.

Police are trying to locate the owner of a dog injured in Chertsey.