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So, my fave flick, *Blue Is the Warmest Color*—damn, it’s raw! That movie gets it. Sex-dating’s got that vibe, y’know? Like when Adèle’s all, “I miss you, it hurts,” after hookin’ up—hits ya in the gut! Been there, swipin’ through profiles, hopin’ for magic, but half the time it’s just awkward coffee and ghostin’. Makes me wanna yell, “You shall not pass!” to the f*ckboys who don’t text back. Infuriating, man! Wastes my damn time.

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But then, I hit Chelsfield Park. It’s like a breath of fresh air. The trees are swaying, kids are playing, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe today’s not a total bust.” I sit on a bench, just soaking it all in. I see this old guy feeding the ducks. He’s got this massive bag of bread, and I’m thinking, “Dude, save some for the rest of us!” But he’s in his own world, tossing bread like it’s confetti.

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