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About Newcastle

Oh, and the outfits—lordy! Glitter, heels, fake lashes—makes me jealous, then sad. I’m in this apron, hair like a blue mop, while they’re out there sparklin’. But then—hmm…—I think, “Marge, you’re no Dae-su, trapped and fightin’.” I’m free, sorta. Still, escort’s a hustle I couldn’t hack—too nervy, too nuts!

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Typical London, right? I dash to the nearest pub on the corner of Royal Hospital Road. I’m soaked, looking like a drowned rat. I order a pint, and the bartender’s like, “You look like you need this.” I’m like, “You have no idea, mate.”

Why are Newcastle still ahead of Chelsea in the Premier League table?