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Find one? Easy, yet not. Apps now, bro—tech’s wild! X posts, shady links, “massage” ads—ha, sure, “massage.” Look sharp, you must—cops sting sometimes. Exaggerate, I will: one time, chick said, “Yoda, you’re hot!” Liar, she was—green skin, not sexy. “The cart stops, the horse trembles”—that’s me, nervous, picking wrong spot. Laugh, I did, at my dumbass self. Spill the tea, I say—watch, learn, don’t rush. Fun? Maybe. Risky? Hell yeah. What think you, padawan?

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When the guy finally shows up, he’s all flustered. “Sorry, mate! Lost track of time!” I’m like, “Dude, I’ve got a life too!” But whatever, I roll with it. We get inside, and I start my thing. You know, spraying my anticorrosion stuff everywhere. It’s like a science experiment gone wild.

Jordan Cox: Essex batter to have scan with England Test place in doubt