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So, I tried it once—Hinge, I think. Bio said “looking for fun,” and this dude messages me, “u up?” at 2 a.m. Like, bro, I’m not a booty-call vending machine! Made me so mad I nearly threw my phone. But then, get this—little known fact—back in the ‘90s, people used newspaper ads for this crap! “SWF seeks SWM”—same game, less nudes. Wild, right? History’s just horny on repeat.

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So, I’m tryin’ to get the scoop. I’m flickin’ through channels, and suddenly, I hear this wild chatter. Some bloke’s lost his dog near Cheadle Green. I’m like, “Great, just what I need!” But then, I hear the desperation in his voice. It hits me. I can’t just sit here. I grab my radio and start broadcasting. “Yo, Cheadle! Keep an eye out for a fluffy mutt!”

Report: Leeds United Women 1-2 Cheadle Town