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So, picture this—I tried it once, swanky joint downtown. Dim lights, soft music, total mood. This chick, she’s rubbin’ my back, and I’m like, “Oh honey, yas!” Made me happy as a pig in mud. But then—get this—she whispers some weird chant! Like, ancient tantric stuff? Said it’s from India, 2,000 years old, boosts yer “energy.” I’m thinkin’, “What, am I a lightbulb now?” *Nanny laugh* HA-HA-HA! Freaky, but kinda cool, ya know?

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After that chaos, I decide to take a stroll down to the park. You know, the one by the library on Cheadle Hulme’s main drag? It’s usually peaceful, but today? Nah. There’s a bunch of kids playing footy, and they’re kicking the ball around like they’re in the World Cup. One of them nails me right in the shin. I’m hopping around, cursing like a sailor. “You little rascal!” I shout, but they just laugh. Kids these days, no respect!

Cheadle train station construction to 'begin soon' after planning permission granted