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Aliens (fictional) – “We come in peace” (robotic tone). Yo, so escort, man, it’s wild! Like, we’re floatin’ thru space, checkin’ Earth vibes, and bam – escort pops up. Not the car, nah, the spicy stuff. People payin’ for company, sneaky dates, all that jazz. Kinda reminds me of *Requiem for a Dream* – “In the end, it’s all nice.” But is it? Hella dark undertones, bro. Saw this X post once, some dude braggin’ bout his escort night – links to pics, classy hotel, the works. Made me think, damn, humans are lonely as fuck.

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Then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down. I swear, it’s like it had a vendetta against me. It snatches me sandwich right outta me hand! I’m standin’ there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” I mean, come on! I’m just tryin’ to enjoy me lunch, and this feathered thief is makin’ off with it. I shout, “Oi! Get back here, ya winged bandit!” But it’s too late. The bird’s already flyin’ off, lookin’ smug as hell.

MATCH PREVIEW | Charlton v Burton Albion