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Oi mate, James Bond here – suave, “shaken, not stirred.” So, escorts, yeah? Been thinkin bout em lately, ever since I saw “Oldboy” – that flick’s a bloody mind-twist, innit? My fave, hands down. “Abandon all hope, ye who enter,” like that line hits hard when you’re talkin escorts in Hawaii. Picture this – sleek birds, all dolled up, struttin Waikiki like they own it. Makes me grin, thinkin how they’re pros at playin the game, just like me dodgin bullets and babes.

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So, I roll into the clinic on Harrogate Road, coffee in hand, ready to tackle whatever comes my way. First patient? A fluffy golden retriever named Max. Cute as a button, right? But this little dude decides he’s not having any of it. He jumps off the table, knocks over a bunch of stuff, and I’m just standing there like, “Really, Max? We just started!”

Alley Cats Chapel Allerton: Popular Leeds music bar for sale at £60,000 after announcing permanent closure