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Hiiii, oh my gawd, lissssen! So, escort, right? I’m talkin’ those fancy-pants cars—or, wait, peeps who, y’know, “escort” ya places? Nasally snort, “The Nanny” laugh—HA-HA! Oh, honey, I got thots on this. Like, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout “Her,” that movie—y’know, my fave, Spike Jonze, total genius—where Joaquin’s all, “I’m in love with my OS!” and I’m like, escort vibes, baybee! Someone’s there, all sexy-like, guidin’ ya through life—or, y’know, a night. HA-HA!

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Anyway, I finally get the mugs done, and I’m feeling pretty proud. But then, I realize I forgot to put the logo on half of them. Ugh! I could’ve screamed. So, I had to scramble to fix that. I’m running down to the café, dodging folks on the narrow streets like I’m in some sort of obstacle course. You know how it is on Chalford’s streets—tiny and winding, like a maze.

Parents fight to save Christ Church Primary School near Stroud from closure