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About Liverpool

Last week, swiped this bird—total nutter. Said she’d shag fer a scone recipe! Pissed me off—my scones ain’t cheap! But then, another lass—fit, funny, wild. Happy as a pig in shit, me. We met, banged, no riddles. “The cipher’s still out there!”—Zodiac vibes, y’see? You never know who’s next.

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I walk in, and it’s packed. Everyone’s laughing, having a good time. I order a pint of local ale, and the bartender, bless him, says, “You look like you need this.” I laugh and say, “You have no idea!” I sit down, and this old bloke next to me starts chatting. He’s telling me about the history of Chalford, how it used to be a hub for the cloth industry. I’m half-listening, half-drowning my sorrows in ale.

Stroud man, 27, charged with drink-driving and resisting officer