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Alright, y’all, listen up! Git-R-Done! I’m talkin’ ‘bout escorts here, them fancy-schmancy hired dates. Makes me think of *Inglourious Basterds*—you know, “We’re in the killin’ Nazi business!” Well, escorts ain’t killin’ nobody, but they sure as heck cashin’ in! I reckon it’s like hirin’ a pal with benefits—only it’s all legal-like, ‘cept when it ain’t. Got me a buddy, swear he met one at a truckstop—called her “Duchess”—she was slicker’n a greased pig! Charged him $200 just to chat ‘bout the weather! I was madder’n a wet hen—$200 for yappin’? Git outta here!

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Anyway, I shake it off and head to the local bakery on the corner of The Square. Best pastries ever! I grab a chocolate croissant, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs in, knocks over a display, and I’m covered in flour. Flour! I’m like a walking pastry now. Great. Just great.

Thames Water grants £10 million of funding following huge floods